v. 28 Should You Stay or Should You Go?🎶 Discernment, Boundaries and Microjoys
Welcome to Life, Created—a new [old school] blog for modern times. This twice-a-week(ish) dispatch is a space for us to dig deeper, share ideas, recognize microjoys and build community beyond the mindless scroll.
Apologies for the Clash reference—but really, I had no choice really. Onwards.
If I’ve learned anything from loss, it’s this: my time, energy, and peace are not infinite. And because of that, my boundaries—while flexible—are non-negotiable.
I used to think every misalignment deserved a conversation, that I owed people explanations for, well…everything. I believed that if I could just be clear enough, I could make them understand. But I don’t believe that anymore. Some relationships—especially the surface-level ones—simply aren’t worth the emotional labor. Not everything needs a drawn-out discussion. Sometimes, the best response is a quiet, decisive step back. Or, more simply, a mental note that says: Ah. Got it. Never again.
But not all losses feel the same. Some hit like a gut punch, knocking the air out of you. Like when someone you once called family disappears without a word, leaving you grasping at unanswered questions. That kind of loss lingers. It’s not just about losing a person; it’s about losing trust, history, and a version of yourself that existed inside that connection.
And then there are the losses that aren’t really losses at all. The ones that don’t require grief—just clarity. This was one of those. Not a friend. Not a history. Not even a meaningful absence. Just a semi-professional interaction where someone showed me—plainly, unapologetically—who they were. And in that moment, the only thing left to do was disengage.
Maya Angelou said it best: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." And I did.
Because why on earth wouldn’t I?
Some people were never meant to have long-term real estate in our lives. Time is limited, and I value it differently now. When I was younger (and let’s be clear, I am still young and fabulous at 47), I collected people. Maybe that’s a big city thing—when you’re constantly surrounded by new faces, it’s easy to spread yourself thin. But now? I no longer hold on for the sake of it. The people I invest in—personally and professionally—are intentional. Aligned. And honestly? I no longer have the patience for nonsense disguised as politeness.
Boundaries aren’t just about protecting my energy. They’re also about protecting me from myself. I know that if I engage, I will say exactly what I think. And while that might feel satisfying in the moment, I also know that not every situation deserves my full, unfiltered honesty—especially when it won’t be received well. I’ve learned that sometimes the smartest, most self-respecting thing you can do is say nothing at all.
There is power in choosing not to engage, in recognizing that not everything or everyone is worth the effort of a response. Not every boundary needs to be announced. Not every exit needs an explanation.
Some endings require mourning. Some just require walking away.
Every essay features a section called “One Fine Microjoy” – an experience, place, or thing that brings me joy, grace, and hope amidst life’s ups and downs. I hope it invites you to recognize and appreciate the delights that ground, inspire, and enrich our journey.
This week’s microjoy: Getting my New York City library card again—right after getting my highlights done—felt like more than just an errand.
When we moved to the suburbs nearly five years ago, I let my NYC and Brooklyn library cards lapse. I wasn’t going back… so why bother? But maybe—just maybe—that’s no longer true.
This week’s microjoy? The reminder that we’re allowed to change our minds, revisit old joys, and rewrite our own stories—whenever we choose.
Welcome to Life, Created.
With love, wisdom [and small mercies] from Montclair. xx
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