v.27 Petty People, Judgy Friends, and One Long Marble Bar
Welcome to Life, Created—a new [old school] blog for modern times. This twice-a-week(ish) dispatch is a space for us to dig deeper, share ideas, recognize microjoys and build community beyond the mindless scroll.
Are you petty, or are you judgmental? It’s one of those questions you don’t plan to ask yourself, yet here we are. My girlfriend and I recently found ourselves deep in this philosophical quandary while sipping overpriced mocktails (and maybe one cocktail) at a bar where the lighting was just right for pretending we weren’t exhausted by…life.
I confidently declared myself judgmental but not petty—a distinction I believed made me sound discerning rather than mean-spirited. My friend, however, insisted that she was petty but never judgmental. Naturally, we did what any rational grown ass women would do: pulled out our phones, Googled the definitions, and braced for impact. Spoiler alert: turns out, we were both petty and judgmental. Shocking, I know.
Judgmental people (a.k.a. me) have an unshakable belief in their ability to discern what actually matters. Honestly, it’s kind of an elite form of rationalization. If it’s irrelevant, I can’t be bothered. If it’s important (to me), I will form an unshakable opinion about it and might even give you a bit of side-eye. That’s discernment, right? I thought so too—until my friend burst my bubble with something along the lines of, “That’s not discernment; that’s just a nice way of making yourself feel superior.”
Well damn, there’s no reason to be hurtful! 😂 But also, I laughed, because she wasn’t wrong.
Pettiness, on the other hand, is deeply personal. It’s not about grand societal critiques; it’s about the small indignities that should roll off your back but instead stick to your soul like glitter. My friend (who has celiac and has a very strict diet) recounted a dinner invitation gone terribly wrong when her host proudly unveiled not one, but two jars of RAGU spaghetti sauce, then drizzled it in honey for “a personal touch.” She was…taken aback but said nothing. (Suffered in silence, maybe?) But she was SO petty when she shared the details in the retelling, I might add. I mean, I think that’s the risk you run when you accept a dinner invitation from someone you barely know and don’t give them the heads— up but I digress. (Also, she knows that I’m sharing this story with you so not to worry, we are still friends.)
I, of course, tried to distance myself from such pettiness because I have no time for this manner of nonsense. But then I remembered: I internally cringe every time someone says “a whole nother” instead of just… “another.” (Hi babe, I’m talking to you!) Or when people insist on saying “expresso” instead of espresso. I can’t help it. My brain fucking short-circuits. So yes, I suppose that I, too, am petty.
Something about late February—the awkward limbo between winter’s endless grip and the first hint of spring—makes us hyper-aware of ourselves. Maybe it’s the exhaustion from cold weather and early sunsets, the craving for a reset without the pressure of New Year’s resolutions, or the unsettling realization that two months have already slipped by and the news cycle is slowly eroding our faith in humanity. Either way, my friend and I weren’t here to self-loathe. This was self-awareness with a twist of orange.
We laughed at ourselves, recognizing that both pettiness and judgment are simply part of the human experience. They show up in our values, our quirks, and yes, our deepest annoyances. And while unleashing these traits on unsuspecting victims is generally frowned upon (please don’t go correcting people’s pronunciation in public), acknowledging them in ourselves is… kind of liberating.
By the end of the night, we had to admit: most of us have a little of both—we contain multitudes. Pettiness is fueled by personal slights—those tiny grievances that shouldn’t matter but absolutely do. Judgment, on the other hand, is about assessing (err… critiquing) the world around us, whether or not anyone asked for our opinion. One is reactive, the other is declarative, and both are ridiculous in their own way—yet undeniably human.
So no, admitting you’re both petty and judgmental isn’t a proud moment. But it is an honest one. Maybe the goal isn’t to erase these traits but to hold them lightly—with humor, with self-awareness, and with the understanding that the same sharpness that makes us judge or cling to small slights is also what makes us discerning, observant, and engaged in the world around us. But a gentle reminder—there’s a difference between being (um, delightfully) petty and just being an asshole. If your pettiness or judgment is rooted in cruelty rather than humor, maybe sit this one out. The world is already filled with folks weaponizing their opinions—don’t be the person who mistakes meanness for wit. Be witty, not mean. Observant, not obnoxious. And if you must be petty, at least make it entertaining.
Every essay features a section called “One Fine Microjoy” – an experience, place, or thing that brings me joy, grace, and hope amidst life’s ups and downs. I hope it invites you to recognize and appreciate the delights that ground, inspire, and enrich our journey.
This week’s microjoy: All.The.Deer I stepped outside in the evening to move our car—only to be met with an unexpected moment of awe: five deer, including three delicate, wobbly-legged babies, gracefully crossing right in front of me. They moved with such quiet confidence, pausing just long enough to acknowledge my presence, as if offering a knowing nod and a gentle smile. C’mon, y’all—it was beautiful. Time stood still in their presence, a microjoy unfolding in real-time. A reminder that even the most mundane moments can hold something sacred—if we’re paying attention.
Welcome to Life, Created.
With love, wisdom [and small mercies] from Montclair. xx
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