v.11 47 Life Lessons For My 47th Year.
Welcome to Life, Created—a new [old school] blog for modern times. This twice-a-week(ish) dispatch is a space for us to dig deeper, recognize microjoys and build community beyond the mindless scroll.
I turned 47 a few weeks ago (and had a MOST fabulous party, of course.) In honor of this, I’m sharing 47 life lessons. This list took so. many. more. hours than I expected it to🥴. I hope you enjoy it. And if it resonates, please do forward it to the folks you love and share your favorites in the comments section. Really, it means a lot to me when you drop a comment and say hello.
Here goes…
You are not for everyone and trying to force others to like you is like adding glitter icing to a shitty cupcake—unnecessary and still not appealing. Truly. YOU ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE. And that’s a very good thing.
Grief isn’t for show - You don’t owe anyone a perfectly curated ‘sadness.’ It’s not Instagrammable, and it’s not linear. Feel how you feel in private, in public—wherever you need to—but for your own healing, just let it be honest.
Swearing and lipstick are excellent coping mechanisms. (I learned this from my mom.)
Celebrate microjoys – Seek out delightful occurrences and beauty in the mundane because big, sweeping happiness isn’t consistent or promised. Honestly, microjoys are where it’s at. *Pro tip: Buy several copies of MICROJOYS and gift it to all your fave people.
Self-reflection is about clarity, not catastrophizing—there’s a difference between learning from life and getting stuck in it.
Be yourself – Stop shape-shifting to fit other people’s expectations. Your integrity matters more than their approval.
Burnout doesn’t mean you’re broken; it just means you need to pause (and maybe buy impractical magenta velvet heels for morale). I did and I feel zero remorse.
Taking care of your skin isn’t self-indulgent; it’s self-preservation—future you (and me!) deserves a glow-up. Boom!
Shift your perspective – Notice what you do have; because dwelling on what’s missing doesn’t make it appear.
More PINK - Regardless of what Pantone says this year, the color pink really is the G.O.A.T (Yes, I still use this term and I don’t care if it’s no longer cool.)
Boundaries keep us sane, not selfish.
Wear Sunscreen - Consider sunscreen as a lil’ force field for your face. Bonus: it’s the only defense that doesn’t require a hard to remember password. (This one is my fave- it’s lightweight and doesn’t give my skin a grey caste like many others do. My office is in a sunroom and I keep this on my desk to use throughout the day, all year round.)
Choose your battles wisely, and adapt accordingly. Not everything needs to be an all-out war— especially when you can’t actually change anything.
Practice gratitude regularly – Yes, we’re all annoyed with the overzealous “gratitude culture,” but honestly— It works. So list three things you’re grateful for, then go have your damn morning coffee.
Personal leadership doesn’t mean having all the answers—but instead, trusting yourself enough to take the next step, even if it’s uncertain (you know, like committing to a twice-a-week blog without knowing where it’s headed 🥴.)
Sometimes, we really are the victim and acknowledging this recognizes injustice and harm done; and that’s not a mindset or a joke. This doesn’t make us weak, and it deserves recognition, compassion, and space—not dismissal or oversimplification.
Sequined pants can be a life philosophy. Go get you some!
Stay grounded in integrity – Integrity means doing the right thing even when it’s inconvenient—basically the opposite of what social media often promotes.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it does soften some of the sharpest edges.
Foster meaningful community – these are the folks who’ll hold you up when life’s messy, call you out when you’re being an asshole, and hype you up when you’re crushing it. You return the favor, because you’re that person too.
When you’re ready, find the lesson in challenges—life’s a masterclass in resilience and grace, even if you didn’t sign up for it.
Embrace impermanence – It reminds us to hold on gently and let go gracefully.
Get yourself some plants - A plant unfurling a new leaf is basically a standing ovation for your care. And you know I LOVE a standing ovation.
Create (some) space for feelings – Sit with your feelings; they’re not going to bite. (I mean, they might but…they won’t give you rabies.)
Do good - Amongst other things, I volunteer weekly sorting donations for the unhoused. Whatever you’ve got—time, talent, money or a bit of all of it—use it to make a difference.
Grief doesn’t have a timeline; it shows up unannounced, like that friend who never texts back but still means the world to you. (Hi, you know who you are.)
Use humor as medicine – Life is weird, perfect, awful and beautiful—it’s all of it. But. And. Laughter heals what logic can’t.
CHILL- A little irreverence goes a long way toward sanity.
Prioritize your mental wellbeing – Rest is a power move, so take it.
Stay curious – read the books, ask the questions, visit new places, and learn from people who’ve been there. Curiosity is how we continue to evolve.
Cultivate self-compassion – be kinder to yourself, even if it makes you cringe a little.
Nostalgic TV is always a good idea – The Golden Girls are peak grown-ass life wisdom disguised as sitcom brilliance. Sit down and watch a few episodes. You’re welcome.
Choose joy – Choose joy, even when it feels petty or silly (yes, that includes overindulging in hot pink holiday decor, which I may have done) And I have no regrets. Ira might, but I haven’t asked him so…
Grief changes you it’s the greatest teacher you never wanted.
Lean into community – I come from a family of good folks who don’t ask for support and they suffer in silence. Don’t do this to yourselves. Find your people and hold on tight. Life is too hard to do this alone.
Go in for the hug. Everytime (but with consent.)
Honor your own path – Comparing yourself to others is irrelevant—you’re judging your behind-the-scenes against their highlight reel. It’s not the same thing.
Practice perspective – That annoying email or that assumed slight from a stranger on the subway? Tiny blips. Save your energy for the big stuff, like world peace… or finding your AirPods.
Real friendship isn’t always pretty, but it’s always worth it. Show up, tell the truth, and hold space, even for the weird shit—like their deep dive into questionable wellness trends😂
Remember those we’ve lost - Mama Shelley’s absence is a gentle ache, but her essence is woven into everything I do—encouraging me to be courageous, authentic, and deeply loving, even when it pisses people off. And I often piss people off. I’m proud of this.
Lead with kindness and courage – There’s enough negativity in this big wide world; be the person who lifts others up, rather than the one who tears them down.
Not all nostalgia is good nostalgia- Nostalgia is a sneaky time traveler; let it visit, but don’t let it move in.
Wear the bold lipstick - That’s all.
More microjoys- It’s okay to laugh through your tears—joy and sorrow often hold hands.
Know yourself- When you know yourself, people’s opinions feel less like critiques and more like elevator music—there, but not worth focusing on.
Let Go When You Need To- Friendships, plans, even sparkly shoes that don’t fit anymore—some things have an expiration date. Release them with gratitude, sequins and bright colors are always optional.
And finally,
Always remember where you come from- Your past isn’t a weight; it’s a map. Keep it close, honor where you started, and let it guide you toward where ever you’re meant to go next.
Every essay features a section called “One Fine Microjoy” – an experience, place, or thing that brings me joy, grace, and hope amidst life’s ups and downs. I hope it invites you to recognize and appreciate the delights that ground, inspire, and enrich our journey.
The quiet of winter, friends.❄️ Winter carries a quiet that feels profound—a microjoy in the stillness it offers. The softened world, the absence of noise, invites you to pause and simply be. To notice it, step outside and listen to the way the silence wraps around you. Winter’s quiet is a gentle reminder that peace often hides in the spaces we forget to look.
Welcome to Life, Created.
With love, wisdom [and small mercies] from Montclair. xx
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